The weekend roundup 12/9-12/11
Tebow versus the Devil, Pujols is the Devil, Marshawn Lynch trippin his whip, the Heisman (yawn), Jerome Harrison is the NFL’s Charles Manson, Spurrier Urban Wiley, “Gangstas” on da court plus herpes and UK car flags.
I have decided to dedicate this week’s entry to random sports stories, since there were a ton of them, with a little NFL sprinkled in here and there.
On Thursday the baseball world came to a screeching halt when Angels owner Artie Moreno mortgaged the Mexican economy and bought his newest toy Albert Pujols. Now many people have a problem with the money he gave Pull-hoes but the Mullet took a different stance on this signing, It goes like this…. Dear Artie, YOU ALREADY HAVE TWO 1st BASEMAN THAT CAN HIT 30+ HOMERS. And they have a combined salary that is about half of one year of Pujols salary. Idiot. You would think he could spend a quarter of a billion dollars a little more wisely like maybe buying 4 other solid position players plus a couple starters and a few more bullpen guys or just buying a new stadium, either way the Mullet is glad Albert will be pulling-hoes in the AL west and not in the NL Central. The end of the letter went like this, trade the Cubs Kendry Morales or Mark Trumbo. Trumbo’s 30 homers as a rookie and league minimum salary fits right into my Cubs rebuilding.
In Pittsburgh Thursday night James Harrison proved yet again that he is the biggest dickhead in the NFL after clearly planting his helmet into Colt McCoys chin. Now I get that helmet to helmet hits are part of the game due to the speed of the game, and I can buy that on plays over the middle but not with Harrison. His helmet to helmets infractions always happen the exact same way with a player coming to a hault and 92 burying his helmet into their chin. He lost the “the play moves fast” card 50 fines ago. This guy is nothing but a guy out there trying to hurt other players. Which is actually kind of cool but stop trying to sell me on the classic Cops TV show line of “I ain’t mean to do it sir”
In inbred SEC fan news; a family in Florida decided to change their babies name dropping the “Urban” from the babies middle name after Urbs bolted for Ohio State but deciding to leave the babies first name Spurrier. Just change the babies name to Tebow Tebow Tebow and be done with it redneck. The kid already has a Florida penitentiary number waiting for it so who cares what his real name is.
Speaking of Jesus’s little brother, the Mullet wrote an ode to Tim yesterday so the only other thing I will mention about Tebow is that he will be playing the roll of the God this weekend when the Patriots come calling setting up the God versus the Devil matchup in the Mile High City. Go Jesus!
In an otherwise ho-hum weekend in the NFL the only other game worth noting was the Monday night game when the Seattle crowd littered Marshawn Lynch with skittles after he scored a touchdown versus the Rams. Lynch told the media that his mom used to give him skittles on the sideline when he would score a TD as a kid after cameras spotted him eating skittles after a bad ass TD run against the Eagles.
Skittles are cool but Lynch holds, in the Mullets opinion, the greatest highlight in sports history while at Cal when after a late game TD in a victory over the Washington Huskies, Marshawn decided to steal the injury cart from the sideline and drive it around like it was a 64 deuce and a quarter. Enjoy Marshawn Lynch Ghostriding the injury cart then did it again after a Holiday Bowl win over Texas AM Lynch rides again. This guy is what makes sports fun.
In the Heisman trophy presentation the Baylor Bears QB Robert Griffin the turd officially became the ugliest player to ever take home the Heisman trophy surpassing Miami’s Gino Torretta. Fuck you RG3, you stole from the Honeybadger and it will not be forgotten.
Let’s round up this weeks edition by touching on a little college hoops action. Xavier and Cincinnati got into the ugliest brawl in the NCAA that I can ever remember further supporting the Mullets view that basketball should allow fighting in hoops action. It makes hockey that much more awesome so why not let these thugs battle it out on the court.
And last but not least, hundreds of thousands of Kentucky fans “lost” their gay blue car flags this week when their Cats (and a uni-brow) lost to the unbeaten Indiana Hoosiers. Just in case you forgot why we hate Kentucky fans I submit the peoples evidence #1 UK herpe boys prediciton of the Indiana game. I think this guy should buy a little blue car flag to fly on that enormous herpe on his lip. Fag
Have a great week! Only 12 shopping days left to buy the Mullet Cubs season tickets. Get on it bitches!!