Suh wants the big turkey leg, Tebow being Tebow, The Honeybadger crushes Bobby Petrinos soul!, Stevie Johnson is fucking awesome, Catfans (no explination necessary) , Jerome Simpson pulls a John Cena, Nick Novak takes a piss and the NBA lockout ends.
In the Turkey-day matinee Ndomunkong Suh appeared to be ready to leave the game and get an early start on Thanksgiving dinner after being a complete dick and doing what most non-Packer fans would like to do, pound some dickhead fudge packer offensive lineman’s helmet into the ground then treat his arm like it is a cockroach running across the kitchen floor. Suh is surely to be suspended by J Edgar Hoover impressionist Roger Goodell.
Let’s float around the league….
In New York; Bills wide out Stevie Johnson imitated Plaxico Burriss shooting himself in the leg in his latest over the top TD celebration Johnson TD dance and spawning lectures from ignorant ass analyst everywhere telling us how he is immature and it will somehow influence our children to act like little NFL wide receiver assholes. The Mullet says fuck that! That shit was HILARIOUS! You won’t see the Mullet tip his hat too often to a University of Kentucky alum but this dude is classic. Dear Bob Cost-ass, only people over 70 want to actually see a player politely hand the football to the ref after a score so I suggest you either get a sense of humor or drink a warm glass of shut the hell up.
Cincy: Jerome Simpson pulled an textbook French soccer flop when he drew a penalty against Browns DE Scott Fujita who lightly shoved Simpson out of the way resulting in Simpson auditioning for his post NFL career in the WWE by throwing himself through the air. It is one of the most underrated and hilarious plays from the NFL weekend that got no play, but the Mullet is all about showing you the unseen so here it is; Simpson flop
Nashvegas; a local Tampa news network interviewed a Bucs player while his unnamed teammate’s dong was waiving around in the background check it out here. Dong just a floppin
In a Whales Vagina also known as San Diego, Tim Tebow led yet another late game drive in overtime. I am not sure if anyone else saw it but it appeared to me that God’s hand can be seen pushing Nick Novak’s overtime field goal attempt wide and giving the Broncs another shot at winning the game.
In other Nick Novak news, he decided to take a piss on the Chargers sideline seen here Novak piss during the game. Chargers sideline employees can be seen trying to hide Novak and subsequently drawing way too much attention to his sideline urination and causing a stir. It was later reported that he was taking a leak on Phillip Rivers mouthpiece which explains why Rivers always looks like he has a piss taste in his mouth.
But back to pissing outdoors; here is a little known fact to females, men LOVE to pee outside. It is one simple joy we have after women have taken our souls so let the man piss in peace. I can’t explain it, maybe it is the cool air blowing across our little wangs or the fact we can try to spell our names on whatever we choose to release on. Either way it is awesome!
Onto college action.
In the post Turkey day battle between #1 LSU and #3 Ourkansas the Honeybadger broke out a can of whoop ass with a punt return for a TD to give the Tigers all the momentum they needed and subsequently did in Bobby Petrinos Razorbacks. Patrino was later seen pointing and yelling across the field at LSU weird ass head coach Les Miles. It is not known if he was bitching about Miles running up the score or if he was saying “hey, look at that fucking weirdo eating grass over there”. Either way he is the bitch that UofL and Atlanta Falcon fans knew that he was.
In other NC-GAY-A news Kentucky Wildcat fans chose to rush the field after beating an unranked 5-7 Tennessee team. Besides rushing the field it was reported that it was the first time all year that Catfans could be heard saying Joker Phillips name without prefacing it with the N word. The only thing shocking about this event is that UK fans acknowledged that they had a football team, but oh yeah, they only show up and claim to be fans when they are winning. Rednecks.
Meanwhile the University of Louisville football team won in Tampa defeating the South Florida Bulls, clinching a tie for first in the Big East and simultaneously giving bowl promoters and Orange Bowl sponsors a massive heart attack that a 7-5 team could actually make a BCS bowl. The Cards only need a UConn win at Cincinnati this Saturday to get the conference BCS bid. The Mullet is all for BCS carnage so Go Huskies!
In the world of David Stren, NBA players can finally return home to play in their own country, unless of course you signed to play in China in which case you can’t come home, and after the season you will be forced into working 60 hours a week in construction and be paid in rice. All because you thought it would be a good idea to play in a fucking COMMUNIST country. Bet you wish you had paid more attention in history class now huh JR Smith.
And last but not least, just when you thought that Mike Tyson couldn’t be any stranger he decided to show up on a Brazilian TV show and sing “Girl from Ipanema” for the South American crowd. Tyson sings
The weirdest part about this is that it has to be the first time I have ever seen Tyson on a television show that he was not completely wasted off blow and alcohol.
Mullet over and out