The Thanksgiving weekend roundup – The Honeybadger takes your leftover Turkey because he fucking can edition

Suh wants the big turkey leg, Tebow being Tebow, The Honeybadger crushes Bobby Petrinos soul!, Stevie Johnson is fucking awesome, Catfans (no explination necessary) , Jerome Simpson pulls a John Cena, Nick Novak takes a piss and the NBA lockout ends.

In the Turkey-day matinee Ndomunkong Suh appeared to be ready to leave the game and get an early start on Thanksgiving dinner after being a complete dick and doing what most non-Packer fans would like to do, pound some dickhead fudge packer offensive lineman’s helmet into the ground then treat his arm like it is a cockroach running across the kitchen floor. Suh is surely to be suspended by J Edgar Hoover impressionist Roger Goodell.

Let’s float around the league….

In New York; Bills wide out Stevie Johnson imitated Plaxico Burriss shooting himself in the leg in his latest over the top TD celebration Johnson TD dance and spawning lectures from ignorant ass analyst everywhere telling us how he is immature and it will somehow influence our children to act like little NFL wide receiver assholes. The Mullet says fuck that! That shit was HILARIOUS! You won’t see the Mullet tip his hat too often to a University of Kentucky alum but this dude is classic. Dear Bob Cost-ass, only people over 70 want to actually see a player politely hand the football to the ref after a score so I suggest you either get a sense of humor or drink a warm glass of shut the hell up.

Cincy: Jerome Simpson pulled an textbook French soccer flop when he drew a penalty against Browns DE Scott Fujita who lightly shoved Simpson out of the way resulting in Simpson auditioning for his post NFL career in the WWE by throwing himself through the air. It is one of the most underrated and hilarious plays from the NFL weekend that got no play, but the Mullet is all about showing you the unseen so here it is; Simpson flop

Nashvegas; a local Tampa news network interviewed a Bucs player while his unnamed teammate’s dong was waiving around in the background check it out here. Dong just a floppin

In a Whales Vagina also known as San Diego, Tim Tebow led yet another late game drive in overtime. I am not sure if anyone else saw it but it appeared to me that God’s hand can be seen pushing Nick Novak’s overtime field goal attempt wide and giving the Broncs another shot at winning the game.

In other Nick Novak news, he decided to take a piss on the Chargers sideline seen here Novak piss during the game. Chargers sideline employees can be seen trying to hide Novak and subsequently drawing way too much attention to his sideline urination and causing a stir. It was later reported that he was taking a leak on Phillip Rivers mouthpiece which explains why Rivers always looks like he has a piss taste in his mouth.

But back to pissing outdoors; here is a little known fact to females, men LOVE to pee outside. It is one simple joy we have after women have taken our souls so let the man piss in peace. I can’t explain it, maybe it is the cool air blowing across our little wangs or the fact we can try to spell our names on whatever we choose to release on. Either way it is awesome!

Onto college action.

In the post Turkey day battle between #1 LSU and #3 Ourkansas the Honeybadger broke out a can of whoop ass with a punt return for a TD to give the Tigers all the momentum they needed and subsequently did in Bobby Petrinos Razorbacks. Patrino was later seen pointing and yelling across the field at LSU weird ass head coach Les Miles. It is not known if he was bitching about Miles running up the score or if he was saying “hey, look at that fucking weirdo eating grass over there”. Either way he is the bitch that UofL and Atlanta Falcon fans knew that he was.

In other NC-GAY-A news Kentucky Wildcat fans chose to rush the field after beating an unranked 5-7 Tennessee team. Besides rushing the field it was reported that it was the first time all year that Catfans could be heard saying Joker Phillips name without prefacing it with the N word. The only thing shocking about this event is that UK fans acknowledged that they had a football team, but oh yeah, they only show up and claim to be fans when they are winning. Rednecks.

Meanwhile the University of Louisville football team won in Tampa defeating the South Florida Bulls, clinching a tie for first in the Big East and simultaneously giving bowl promoters and Orange Bowl sponsors a massive heart attack that a 7-5 team could actually make a BCS bowl. The Cards only need a UConn win at Cincinnati this Saturday to get the conference BCS bid. The Mullet is all for BCS carnage so Go Huskies!

In the world of David Stren, NBA players can finally return home to play in their own country, unless of course you signed to play in China in which case you can’t come home, and after the season you will be forced into working 60 hours a week in construction and be paid in rice. All because you thought it would be a good idea to play in a fucking COMMUNIST country. Bet you wish you had paid more attention in history class now huh JR Smith.

And last but not least, just when you thought that Mike Tyson couldn’t be any stranger he decided to show up on a Brazilian TV show and sing “Girl from Ipanema” for the South American crowd.  Tyson sings

The weirdest part about this is that it has to be the first time I have ever seen Tyson on a television show that he was not completely wasted off blow and alcohol.

Mullet over and out


The Weekend roundup 11-17-11-21 – The Tebowing edition

In this weeks update, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow and well Tim Tebow. BCS madness and Ohio State “gets Sanduskied” by State Penn after taking one in the pooper in Columbus, beer kegs kill a woman at Yale in a non-keg stand incident, Chris Berman sucks Bill dick, Lee Corso redeems his creditability by saying “fuck” on air and regains all the fans he lost the last 5 years.

Thursday – Ok, ok, ok. I have made enough jokes about Tebow, no longer will I refer to him as a shitty NFL QB that somehow wins with the help of the Lord himself. No, the mullet will now use the term “non-traditional” bad mother fucker NFL QB when I refer to this bad ass sum-a-na-bitch.

Now all “sucks” comments will be aimed at Mark Sanchez, man he sucks!

I mean really, the Houston Cougars and Case Keenum attempt more passes in one game than this guy will throw in his whole season….And he is winning. He is the anti-Charlie Sheen, he actually wins without banging porn stars (barring an unforeseen Tiger Woods like scandal of course). But even if he did bang hookers and smoke meth he has helped circumcise enough poverty stricken children in the Philippians to be considered in the ranks of Mother Teresa. Plus he ran clear over Darrelle Revis on the game winning drive reducing “Revis Island” to “Revis Island as long as a 235 God fearing stud doesn’t decide to come barreling through like a typhoon”. We have discovered the secret to Rivas Island, don’t throw his way, truck that mother fucker and pick up another 4 yards on the way to “winning”. And subsequently spawning this awesome fucking song The Tebowing song

Not to mention that anyone who makes ESPN analyst look like the idiots that they are is always a good thing, the Mullet is officially on the Tebow train. Sorry Marilyn Manson, I still like Smells Like Children.

In NCAA news

The Grand old man known as the BCS got shook up like a half assed built outhouse during a 8.5 earthquake this weekend. Starting Friday night as Iowa State? Wait minute, Iowa State still plays football? I thought they just wrestled or some shit like that. Anyhoo they Cyclones shocked Oklahoma State by winning in OT and getting us closer to an LSU/Alabama rematch in the title game. Barring a Bobby Petrino led upset of Our-Kansas over the Honeybadger and LSU Friday afternoon of course. So while your significant other is out fighting fat woman for sales at Wal-Mart on black Friday your ass should be planted in front of the TV at 2:30. The Mullet feels a Razorback upset………

And then came Saturday……

Lee Corso’s “oh fuck it” gaff on college gameday Saturday morning was like a prophecy of the action to follow the rest of the day. On a day that most experts labeled as “a boring” college weekend was the complete opposite, proving yet again that ESPN analyst are, well, fucking stupid.

First the Baylor Bears stunned Oklahoma Saturday evening while little known quarterback Robert Griffin III has once again thrust his name into Heisman candidacy even though nobody who watches college football has any fucking clue who he is.

USC showed that cheaters do apparently still win, even after sanctions out the ass as they topped the Ducks in Autzen stadium, giving the Ducks their second loss of the season and all but ensuring that shroom loving stoners everywhere won’t be watching this season’s NCAA title game since they can’t tune in and “zone out dude” on Oregon’s bright ass yellow socks streaking down the field in HD.  Bummer for Greatful Dead football fans everywhere.

In other BCS madness this weekend Debow-Dabo Swinney’s Clemson Tigers were shellacked by a mediocre NC State team giving up 27 points to the Pack in the 2nd quarter. Houston and Case Keenum rolled another shitty opponent in the Big Waste of My Fucking Time Conference’s West division, setting up the barn burning match up against the Southern Miss Eagles in the BWMFT conference’s championship game.

Michigan welcomed Big 10(12) newcomer Nebraska to the Big Ho by throttling them 45-17 . The Ohio State Buckeyes took one in the Auschwitz in front of 90,000 annoying Buckeye fans at the hands of  the State Penn Nittany Lions who kept their hopes alive of winning a Big Ten championship  in Indy and ultimately forcing us to watch a sappy montage before their BCS game about the players left in the wake of the scandal. Please, spare me, these kids stopped playing for Joe Pa once they set foot on campus and realized their head coach and the dead guy from Weekend at Bearnie’s were in fact, the same person.

And finally in non-BCS news a woman was killed when a U-Haul driving empty beer kegs at the Harvard/Yale game ran over a woman and 2 others. Now I know death is a fickle thing but seriously, wouldn’t you expect this to happen at a Georgia game where some idiot Freshman rush candidate did his best Steve-O impression by trying to tackle a beer truck? Not something I expect at a school “grooming future government leaders”. Actually, given the present regime in Washington maybe this does all make sense.

In the NFL the Chiefs, Browns, Jags, Panthers, Skins and Vikings suck, the entire NFC west sucks (besides the Mullets 49ers of course.)

In other teams that suck news. Chargers head coach Norv Turner must have pics of the Chargers owners banging kittens because for some reason HE STILL HAS A FUCKING JOB. Seriously, if I went to work, watched reruns of the Office on my computer till noon, rubbed one out in the company bathroom at lunch then came back and crawled under my desk and slept until 5 I would still get more done than this asshole. Plus he is fucking terrible to look at on my huge HD TV.  Next Halloween I am going to wear a Norv Turner mask when I hand out candy in my neighborhood, that way children will be so frightened  by my appearance that they skip my crib and leave all the candy for me to eat.

The Colts actually won in week 11 by not having to show their face in front of 75,000 people at home cheering for them to lose. Except of course for chick Colt fans on Facebook who still don’t get that the Colts losing these days is a GOOD thing.

Somehow the Dolphins all of a sudden don’t suck after throttling the Bills. Ahh the Bills lost, that means we are spared another week of Chris Berman spewing his infamous “nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills blah blah blah blah FUCKING BLAH!!!!”. Could someone in Bristol please tell this dickbag about a little known comedian named Carrot Top who annoys crowds with the same jokes he told in ’91? Honsetly I would bet my last beer out of a tall boy 6 pack that Berman stands in front of the mirror all week long talking to himself since apparently he loves his own fucking voice so much. Jesus I hate this guy. Could someone at least give him some new hand gestures to do when he is talking?  Fuck me.

In college hoops action……nothing happened. Its November and beating North Gulf Valley State of Lincoln Tech doesn’t mean a fucking thing.

Sorry for all the F-bombs. Its been one of those weeks for the Mullet.

Peace! The Mullet is out like hammer pants.

The UK fan manifesto

Popular to this 1989 Sports Illustrated cover Kentucky’s real “shame” isn’t that they got busted by the NCAA in the late 80’s. No, their shame lies within their obnoxious fanbase.

As the NCAA hoops season is under way and UK has yet another ridiculous recruiting class that will be sure to make a run to the final 4 under their shady, scumbag coach  I would like to explain exactly why myself and 99% of non-Cat fans, hate UK and hope they lose every time they take the floor.

Fasten in, here we go……

We hate UK because we are completely and utterly jealous of your titles, your tradition and by gummit, you are just better than us and that’s what makes us hate you.

Yeeeeeeah right.

OK, now that I have told UK fans why THEY believe we hate them allow me to explain exactly why we hate UK, and it has absolutely nothing to do with your program. I actually respect the shit out of your programs tradition and accomplishments (even though 3 of your titles came when the top teams of that season refused to compete in the NCAA tourney due to the fact that teams with black players, like Michigan for example, WERE allowed to compete in tournament play.) Translation: the best teams of that season didn’t play in the tournaments you won under Adolf Rupp. Look it up assuming you can read of course.

I’ve been to Rupp, awesome college basketball atmosphere minus the uber annoying Ashley Judd.

No the reason we hate UK has nothing to do with UKs accomplishments but instead the redneck, fair-weather Catfan that won’t shut up about how great they are when they are winning but amazingly become silent and “lose” all of their UK gear to the bottom of their closet once they aren’t dominating college basketball.

Example: Last season. Before the Final 4 I didn’t see much UK gear out and about around town, except for the 400 pound redneck at Kroger that had a tattoo of the UK Wildcat tearing out of his right bicep.

No, Catfan thought they sucked in 2010 and had no chance getting past the 2nd round so they chose to put away their lame ass UK2K shirts in December and retreat until next season. Then BAM they are unexpectedly in the final four and like a David Copperfield magic trick all of a sudden the little blue car flags appeared flying all over town like the plague.

Before I continue I want to exclude some UK fans.  For example my friend Lane who moved here from the ole Mississip. She got hooked to UK basketball and is a genuine Cat Fan who cheers on her Cats and just enjoys their wins without being an obnoxious asshole about it. Or for the Catfan that, God forbid ACTUALLY graduated from UK then please, disregard this rant, it is clearly not directed at you. Instead it is aimed at the Catfan who annoys the shit out of co-workers, family and their friends on Facebook. There is nothing wrong with the occasional Go Cats! post on FB but you know when you are being an obnoxious ass about it, if you cross that line, this story is for you. The sad thing is that I know many genuine UK fans and actually have lived with a diehard Cat fan for the last 5 years who is completely embarrassed by the “other” Catfans that give their program a black eye.

As for actual UK alum, the ones that I know are embarrassed and try to separate themselves from the common “Cleavon the goat fucker” UK fan who annoys his co-workers every day with his “UK is the best ever man” bullshit.

I remember the days when UK fans referred to UofL players as “just a bunch of ghetto ni**ers”  just because of their style of play, but now days they amazingly embrace players like DeMarc-ass Cousins and their recent recruits made up of mostly inner city “ghetto” kids. We have had to hear this racist excuse from UK fans for the last 35+ years. Whats your excuse to hate UofL now that you have embraced the “ghetto” ball style? Pat Riley aint walking through that door.

Yes this is the annoying Catfan blabbering that I have been forced to listen to day in and day out my whole life that makes me literally pray to the lord UK loses every Saturday so Monday at work you can hear their lame excuses that “we only lost cause we were resting our players for the Florida game” or whatever other bad excuse they have for losing.

Allow me to explain where my hatred for bad UK fans comes from. I can remember like yesterday the kid in 3rd grade that made me loath UK. His name was Mike Grimes. He was a UL fan at first, and then when UK started winning again he was all of a sudden started rocking rec-specs and pretending he was Kenny “Sky” Walker on the playground. He would come in every morning at 7:45 talking shit about UK and how IU or UofL lost and wouldn’t shut up all day long. Then in 1989 after “Kentuckys shame” the shit talking stopped and all of a sudden he wasn’t a UK fan anymore, he didn’t even like college basketball and had “moved on” to the NBA.

Little did I know then that he would be the blueprint for UK fans I would encounter for the rest of my life.

You see the reason I, and most people, hate UK fans is because  a large majority of UK fans these days are Cat fans not because of their love of college hoops but instead to make up for the lack of, as so eloquently stated by Charlie Sheen, “winning” in their own lives. Your life didn’t turn out how you wanted, you shovel dead raccoons off the side of the interstate every day or your boss rides your ass all day at work or you possibly smoke meth. Either way the only way you make yourself a “winner” is by aligning yourself with a program that you view as a winner, which, in your mind, makes you a winner.

NEWSFLASH……..It doesn’t.

You see while most people are fans of their teams UK supporters take it to the next level. They let their fandom represent who THEY are as a person. If UK wins then “I win” is their mindset.

Seriously, almost every time I go out in public rather it be to the grocery, gas station or a restaurant and see some dirty, ignorant, loud obnoxious person, 90% of the time they are wearing a UK shirt. It is a fact. Period.

So this season when UK basketball is kicking the shit out of every team they play there is one way to tell the difference between “intelligent” basketball fans who like UK and the rednecks that I am talking about in this rant. It’s pretty simple. Intelligent UK fans realize that they have a shady coach who will eventually get them busted and back on probation, because, well they actually use their brain. While the ignorant Catfan can be identified by one of the following: They are loud, obnoxious, have very little to no actual basketball knowledge, will talk shit about your team while basking in the glory of UK winning and won’t shut the fuck up about it, they have a mullet or they can’t spell “Cat” without looking at their t-shirt. In most cases it will be at least 5 out of the 6. Most of these fans are easily spotted because they wear their UK2K shirt so much that it is as faded as Snoop Dog rapping on the Chronic.

Now many of you will say that the Iron Mullet sounds like an elitist snob. Maybe. If that means I wash my clothes, comb my hair, bath, brush my teeth and speak intelligently then call me an elitist. I would rather be a snob then some troll Caftan who has to rely on a basketball team to make me feel better about myself.

In conclusion, we don’t hate UK because they win, no we hate them because 75% of their fanbase is so annoying that we use the word “hate” to describe them. Although we cheer our asses off for our teams if our team loses we realize it’s just a game while when UK loses they make up a ton of excuses before returning to their miserable lives where the only time they are “winning” is when the Cats are trampling other teams. Otherwise they are just average Joes with bad haircuts and a faded UK2K shirt.

The Iron Mullet will be selling UK2K(2) shirts after Cal gets your program busted and you become the first team to ever win 2,000 games twice.

Weekend roundup 11/11-11/14

Jesus that’s alot of 11’s. Gives me nightmares of Isiah Thomas grabbing a fat chicks ass .

This week The Hilltoppers are a better offensive team than the Tide, Tebow is the Karl Marx of the NFL, Lions get beat in MMA fight, Oregon vindicates Jimmy The Greek, Gary Patterson hates potatoes, Mike Smith pulls a McNabb and the Eagles really are an NBA team.

To kick off the weekend my WKU Hilltoppers made me proud by actually scoring a TD against the vaunted LSU defense proving that maybe the Bama/ LSU rematch is a bad idea. I know the final score was a tad lopsided but even terrible UK had more success against the LSU D.

In other college news TCU coach Gary Patterson pulled out his huge white sack, laid it on the blue sideline in Idaho as he went for 2 to win the game against Boise State. When asked why he went for 2 in his post-game press conference Patterson was quoted as saying “I just wanted to get the hell out of Idaho, I hate potatoes

Outside of San Jose Jimmy the Greek was finally vindicated after his comments 23 years ago when he basically claimed that black athletes were superior to white athletes. The Ducks proved the Greeks theory correct as their running backs and wide outs blew past Stanford’s slow, white defense like they were glued to the turf, winning 53-30 and leaving the mullet wanting a rematch of Oregon/LSU. I mean those fuckers can fly. Wow!

In other NCAA foozball news Kansas State beat Texas A&M in a 4 OT thriller that almost kept Ballsy Bill Snyder up past his bedtime, Houston continues to outscore their basketball team by putting up 73 against Tulane and Notre Dame beats Maryland in the ugly ass uniform bowl claiming the coveted “Rockawear trophy”.

And what would this week’s post be without talking about Penn State/Nebraska? There will be no child molesting comments in this post, no the only thing that was molested in this game is the people who were forced to watch the horrible Penn State offense. I know I feel violated. Jesus they are HORRIBLE!

In NFL news the Killadelphia Eagles further put their fans closer to the grave (which probably isn’t a bad thing) by displaying that they are indeed the NFL’s version of the Miami Heats “dream team”. Only the LeBron led Heat had 82 games to straighten out their kinks, the Eagles . These guys are a disgrace to the American dollar with the money they stole from owner Jeffrey Lurie by losing to the shit eaters from Arizona. Say it outload Eagle fan, you LOST to a QB from Hofstra named Skelton in your own backyard. Hopefully forever ending the term “swagger”.

In Kansas City the Tebow did his best Karl Marx impression by defying all NFL law completing only 2 passes in the game and winning while thrusting the Broncos into a 3 way tie for the NFC west. This proves one of 2 things, either Phillip Rivers classic “shit face” is directly related to the AFC West smelling like a 10 day old diarrhea filled diaper or that Tim Tebow really is the second coming of Jesus, which by only completing 2 passes and winning in the modern day NFL pretty much qualifies as such.

In MMA action Sunday the Lions visited the Bears and tried to intimidate the Monsters of the Midway with their dirty play only to be shocked when they found out Heritage Hills grad Jay Cutler showed what a true dickhead is as he got up from a another dirty hit from Ndamaka Suh and, by which all amateur lip readers at home could read told him to “fuck off bitch.” The Bears matched the dirty play from the Lions in a game that resembled Michael Jacksons “Beat it” video.

Not to be shown up by TCUs Gary Patterson, in the dirty south Falcons coach Mike Smith attempted to impress us with his own huge nut bag and go for it on 4th down in OT. Knowing that not converting the play would give the Saints a chip shot field goal to win, Smith unzipped his drawers and proceeded to “roll the dice”. He crapped out and showed that he has the average nutbag as the rest of us crackers. Sorry Mike, you are in Hotlanta where average white weenus just doesn’t make the cut.

Joe Pa’s shame

Well the Iron Mullet has been silent about the whole Penn State scandal, for one because ESPN has saturated us with coverage all week long about it and even I got tired of listening to it.

But the Mullet will be silent on the topic no more.

You see, at first,  I questioned the move myself thinking, eh, they should at least let him coach his last home game. That was before I read the 23 page Grand Jury indictment for myself on Wednesday. After reading the indictment I was simply sickened by the whole scandal. Not just at the felon but at the whole Penn State “fam-damly”, as my dad would say, that did their best to cover up this scandal so it didn’t effect the “program”.

Let me summarize the indictment for those of you who haven’t read it for yourself. You would have had to have been a complete bumbling idiot to not realize what this guy was up to for the last 10 years plus. Sandusky made absolutely no effort to try and conceal his sickness. He would get caught “wrestling” or as Joe Pa liked to put it “horsing around” with these kids all the time by numerous people. The entire PSU football family turned their head to it. They all knew the man was sick but chose to look the other way to save their own asses.

In the grand jury papers you see a pattern of the story being covered up as it rose up the ladder from Joe to the AD to the University President. Joe was told by the grad assistant that he witnessed Sandusky having sex in the shower with a boy who was 10. Joe in turn told the athletic director that Sandusky was “horseplaying” with a young boy in the shower, not having sexual conduct, which got further diluted by the AD telling the school president that Sandusky had a boy in the shower but that nothing serious happened and that there was “no indication that anything criminal had happened.”

Not only did he not go to the police, he did his best to cover it up like a cat turd in a litter box. But like all piles of crap, covered or uncovered, the smell eventually will rise to the nostrils.

And it has……

To me the most indicting evidence against Joe is something the media has yet to cover, in 1999 Sandusky was “forced into retirement”, or as people under 60 call it “fired”. Now why would Penn State fire the man tabbed to be the next head coach when Joe retired? Uhhh possibly because he was raping little boys? Just a guess. Draw your own conclusions.

As an Indiana basketball fan I have been through the firing of a larger than life, iconic coach that I still adore to this day so Nittany Lion fans don’t try and tell me what it’s like. I still feel that Bob was wronged. Sure he was obviously a dick but he never stood by while little kids got their “back popped” by one of his assistants. Pretty sure I know how the General would have handled that situation; he probably would have gone to jail and certainly not because he kept his silence about it.

The thing that really alarms me about this scandal is that I fear that having sex with kids is a much more accepted part of our society then we know. First the Catholic church scandal and then a little known scandal in Canada where a junior hockey league coach had sex with numerous players over a number of years, many of these players going on to become NHL stars. Both show a pattern of people looking the other way because of the offenders “status”.

The second thing that bothers me is that our society has become so engulfed in our fandom that instead of seeing the writing on the wall we actually go and lay flowers and cry at the door of a man who knew that children were being molested and did nothing to stop it to ensure that he and his program didn’t get drug into the mud, subsequently allowing more children to be get “Sanduskyed” over the next few years. That’s just disgusting, plain and simple. You can’t argue the point on any level.

Now I can understand ignorant, misguided 20 year olds just looking for a reason to go out and cause havoc, turning over vans and chanting in the streets and just “fighting the power” while in college. But the really disturbing thing is to see grown ass men taking part in similar defiant behavior in Happy Valley and outside of Paterno’s house. That just shows a serious lack of judgment. This man, who I have always adored and loved myself, stood by and allowed more children’s lives to be forever altered.

Allow me to break it down in football terminology. Here you have a man in Joe Pa who was leading his team down the field in the 2 minute offense, down 5 with a chance to win the game. On the last play he is facing a skull crushing hit from a linebacker at the goal line to win but instead choosing to go out of bounds, avoiding  the hit and allowing the clock to strike 0:00.

Sorry grand old coach, you blew the game for your team but more importantly for the children whose lives are forever changed because of your actions after it was brought to your attention.

My advice to people who support Joe Pa, read the indictment for yourself. If you still think that he was wrongly let go then you are either one, an idiot, or you are an enormous Penn State fan who is too far in forest to see the trees, and the truth. To those people I ask one thing, would you let YOUR child be left alone to “horse around” with Jerry Sandusky?

The weekend roundup 11-5 – 11-7

 This week…….Ron Washingtons mother fuckin World Series game 7 pre-game cocksuckin mother fuckin speech,  The Steelers and Ravens try their best to kill each other, The Dolphins piss off their ownership by winning and elate “knowledgeable” Colt fans, Mike Gundy says “Im a man!” fuck Bama and LSU, plus a preview snippet of my “why we hate UK fans” story that is guaranteed to stir up controversy and death threats to my inbox from inbreds all over the Blue-ass state (assuming they can read of course)

Gonna keep this one short and sweet….

First off the point of the Iron Mullets blog is to of course give my take on the games we watch and love but more importantly to me it is to give you insight to stories that you would otherwise miss since the World Wide Doucheleader only reports stories about the Red Sux and Tom Brady’s little penis.

Lets go!

Now batting, Ron Washingtons pre- game 7 speech. The first time I laid eyes on Ron Washington I thought, man that is a dude I would like to have a conversation with. In all seriousness there is nobody more entertaining to talk than an old black dude with a cussing problem. They make cussing an art form, much more entertaining to listen to than the average college frat boy say  “fuck it dude, yeeah bra!”. The speech reminded me of a movie that helped raise me to have the sense of humor I have today, Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious”. Ron’s brilliant mix of toughness and sense of humor (and cussing) is the type of attitude that helped get African American men through the tough years in American history where inbred rednecks tried to oppress them and I for one fucking love him for it, so for the sake of old school give this tirade a listen.

Ron Washington says fuck golf

After giving it a gander I would follow Ron into the heart of an al-Qaeda infested cave then tell him to slap me some skin after we mopped those mother fuckers.

Now for the weekend in foozball

Since the Mullet covered the Bama/LSU game already (seen below)  the college football report will only cover a couple games. Saturday night while 99% of the country was watching the title bout the OK Staters and Kansas State battled in an epic Big 12 battle. After a late game goal line stand by the Cowboys to win 52-45 OKState coach Mike Gundy (famous for his Im a man, Im 40! Postgame speech) was asked if he knew the score of the “other” game played that evening he responded by saying  “oh, the other game ended 9-6, maybe the country should have been watching this game”. I agree.

In local news the UofL Cards stunned the inbreds in West Virginia after coach Charlie Strong took out his large sack and showed it to everyone by going for it on 4th and 1, converting and leaving all of Morgantown West Virginia stunned and looking for more batteries to throw onto the field and looking for more couches to burn. Rednecks.

In the NFL the Miami Dolphins pissed off ownership by actually winning Sunday and lessening their chances of landing Pac 12 stud Andrew Luck, furthering the chances of the Colts to scoring back to back franchise QBs.

As for real football, would it be too much to ask to give the Steelers and Ravens their own division in the AFC and make them play 8 times a year? Jesus these games are violent! I could watch them play a 12 quarter game and never get tired of jumping off the couch screaming “holy shit! Did you see that hit?”. I mean that is football people. I love that shit!

I will leave you with this thought. The Mullet will be releasing his highly anticipated column on exactly why we in the Kentuckiana area loath UK fans and their team. Trust me you wont want to miss this post. Its one that you will want to quickly forward to your closest UK fan friend and allow the Iron Mullet to sum up what you have been trying to put into words since the time you first realized how annoying UK fans are.

Here is a small sample from the actual story

“most UK alum I know are embarrassed and try to separate themselves from the common “Cleavon the goat fucker” typical Cat fan.

Get ready to rumble…..

The matchup of the century in Tusc-a-lose-a

Friday night I fired up the ole PS3 and played the Bama/LSU matchup just to get pumped for the game. One thing I noticed was just how deep these rosters go from position to position, especially on defense. It is really ridiculous, 97s and 95s all over the fucking place on these rosters…… that is until you get to kickers and QBs.

Now for some reason, one that I will never understand is how in the hell you can have 20 NFL players on defense on your roster but conveniently “forget” to recruit quality kickers and QBs. Bamas AJ McCarron is one of the worst excuses I have ever seen for a QB at a top 5 program. I mean this guy sucks! (And I have seen Dayne Crist play)

Spare me the “great defense” excuse, that guy sucks. Period.

Here is a note to Nick Saban, when you go to recruit a QB this offseason, try going outside of the typical Alabama floppy haired, polo shirt, Eastland wearing high school kid and recruit a real QB because McCarron blows rusty trombones to gay Amish farmers. The only player that sucked worse than McCarron was their kicker. Am I the only one watching in OT when Saban ran that fat kicker out there for a 51 yard field goal attempt that said “huh, I bet this kick comes off his foot sideways and falls 20 yards short?” Jesus Christ, go for it on 4th and 20, a wobbling duck off of the arm of McCarron had a better chance to get deflected into the arms of a Bama receiver to get a first down then that kickers foot getting the ball past the 10 yard line. Not so sure about the “genius coach” title he holds anymore especially since even the average Insane Clown Pussy fan at home that hates football could see that YOUR FUCKING KICKER CANT KICK A 40 YARD FUCKING FIELD GOAL! Let alone a 51 yarder. What about his previous misses that landed in a cheerleaders lap gave you the idea that a 51 yard field goal was a good idea? Jesus Nick!

Seriously people, that was a joke.

The only thing funnier than Bamas kicker was the floppy haired frat boys crying in the student section as it became evident Bama was going to lose. That shit was must see TV. The only thing that would have made it better is if  the Honeybadger himself, ole #7, would have ran into the crowd after the win, whipped out his huge Honeybadger cock and pissed on their bad floppy hair as they were sobbing.  Seriously why does every “boy” from this state look exactly the same? It’s kind of weird. Must be a bunch of cousin fuckers, that’s all the Mullet can come up with on this point.

Outside of the horrible kicker the game was the violent spectacle that is the reason why red blooded Americans like myself love football. Good Lord those kids were hitting! That was awesome! In the words of Turkish in Snatch “Those lads were out to hurt each other”. The game itself was awesome to watch, I for one hope they play again in the title game just cause I dont give 2 shits to watch LSU dismantle the Boring State Broncos. Give me blood!!!

Another observation,  what would this game be without mentioning the Honeybadger himself. What the hell did he do to that Tide receiver in the 4th quarter that made the guy go down like he broke his pelvis in half? It looked like some sort of pressure point injury that he learned from Mr. Miyagi. On the replay it appeared as though he reached under the guys shoulder pad and ripped out his soul, like some Mortal Comabt shit. Not sure what he did but it was dirty and it was awe-some! The Honeybadger takes what……ehh, you know the line. Finish it yourself. When this guy retires from the NFL they need to name a Whiskey after him cause it would get you tore the fuck up! I’d sip it.

One other question about the matchup of the century…….

Between the inbred Cajun gibberish, Cash Moneys influence on southern Louisiana’s youth, the slow southern drawl of country folk in Bama and the pure dumb athletes playing in that game that I am sure don’t speak clear English, the question is do you think that anyone on the field could understand the trash talking coming out of their opponents mouths?

Cause I don’t.

I kind of equate it to the NHL where French speaking Canadians, Russians, Americans, Swedes, Slovaks, Fins and regular Canadians are all on the ice talking shit in different languages.

Bouttadoyainhomeboy! Datsforeal!

The Mullet has spoken!